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mystisblomi know that im not one of the best entertainers right now, and i know that maybe i upset some of my friends because im not at aim or something. but right now i have so much in my head that i need to calm down before i break.
my dad is in hospital, and its really bad. i know im old enaugh to know that no one lifes forever but right now im so scared. i have no idea what im going to do when he dies and i dont know how i can handle it when i meet him the next time. i mean now he needs something like an airmashine(?) around him, and his heart is to big.
then i have to decide if someone looses his job because of me. i dont want this job but can i just say no?
my whole world is going crazy and i cant decide what to do.
so im really sorry that im not coming to aim or something, its not about you, its only about me. i just try to forgett all this stuff and live my fucked up life.
do you know what scared me most?
that the last time i was in this kind of mood i tryed suecide.
dont worry i dont try to kill myself, but i think i really fucked up everything!
my dad is in hospital, and its really bad. i know im old enaugh to know that no one lifes forever but right now im so scared. i have no idea what im going to do when he dies and i dont know how i can handle it when i meet him the next time. i mean now he needs something like an airmashine(?) around him, and his heart is to big.
then i have to decide if someone looses his job because of me. i dont want this job but can i just say no?
my whole world is going crazy and i cant decide what to do.
so im really sorry that im not coming to aim or something, its not about you, its only about me. i just try to forgett all this stuff and live my fucked up life.
do you know what scared me most?
that the last time i was in this kind of mood i tryed suecide.
dont worry i dont try to kill myself, but i think i really fucked up everything!
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no subject
Date: 2003-06-10 11:05 am (UTC)Just remember to look after yourself as much as you are able. And don't be too hard on yourself if you are called upon to make tough decisions.
Take good care. *hugs*
Re:
Date: 2003-06-10 08:37 pm (UTC)i think i dont use the chance to get the job cuz i cant life with it that someone i know loose his job because of me (and everyone knows that i dont wana be there for a longer time then 2 month)
no subject
Date: 2003-06-10 12:05 pm (UTC)ich schreib jetzt deutsch.... hab kopfweh und kann mich heut net konzentrieren..
also ich will dir nur sagen das es ok ist... und pass auf dich auf, ja? versprich mir das... und ich hoffe das es deinem papa bald wieder besser geht...
und ich will noch sagen das wenn du reden willst... oder was auch immer... ich bin da, ja? du weißt wie du mich erreichen kannst...
ich denk an dich, ich hab dich lieb, vergiß das nicht
Re:
Date: 2003-06-10 08:38 pm (UTC)im moment geht halt alles ein bisschen zu schnell für mein kleines steinzeit selbst.
aber ich krig das schon hin, hab ich doch immer :)
no subject
Date: 2003-06-11 05:28 pm (UTC)Re:
Date: 2003-06-12 06:56 am (UTC)i feel way better right now, i think it was just a chrises or something :)